Crazy Ones' Mind

18th,

at 03:12pm

So.. i've been avoiding LJ because of the Slayers posts this group im following, is posting. I do not want to delete them.. but i also am not able to see the new Slayers stuff. So i don't want to be spoiled by it. AND trust me.. its hard NOT to look at the entries. I do love the group and they are awesome. Im just avoiding this place till the new Slayers is over.

So to my close friends, please don't think i don't care about you cause i never respond to any of your emotional posts. ;-;! I care!!! I just only check LJ now once like every other week or so. So i most likely just miss the posts entirely or will be extremely late reading them. I will try to be more active in the future, but for now.. while slayers is airing in Japan. I'm staying away from this place like the plague.

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13th, at 01:35am
Upset about Olympics

mood: disappointed

I know not many people on here seem to care at all about the Olympics, but i do. I always loved ice skating in the winter games.. and gymnastic in the summer ones.. however... this year.. I am more then outraged. I have always been a fan of the Chinese.. and givin them respect. I even have been standing up for them with others who were making comments about how the country is run. However.. Im beginning to see that these Olympic games might of turned what could have been a great opportunity for the Chinese, into what seems like disaster. It is said that the Chinese want the world to see them different. See them as a good and welcoming country. Why then, are they doing things that is killing them? They are trying way to hard to give off what is clearly a false impression of themselves. Please note that that Nazi Germany did the exact same thing when they were awarded the Olympics. They went to such great lengths to lie and hide all the ugliness that was clearly going on. What upsets me the most, is seeing a picture of both the male and female gymnastic teams standing together holding up their gold metals. It upsets me because the Chinese cheated. I dont approve of having underaged girls on their gymnastics team. I don't approve of the Chinese getting what looks like higher scores, then other teams. There has been times when even the announcers are questioning the scores as being way to harsh on some of the American routines. The powers that be in China are going through such great lengths to prove to the world that China is the best, and will do whatever it takes to win gold metals. Even so far as to jeopardize the health and welfare of their kids to make them complete in things that they aren't of age limit to do yet. Do they not understand that winning gold metals means shit, if the world sees them as doing it in such a dishonorable way? Does no one see that the powers that be are laughing at us all by clearly breaking the rules and getting away with it? Because people are to lazy to do whats right and check out prop documents. Govt passports and documents don't mean shit when the govt itself is KNOW for falsifying documents ALL the time! I hope that China does not get the ability to host the games again. They have tried to show perfection and honor to us all by cheating and lying. Digitally added in fireworks to make thing look more grander then it really is. Making a less then cute girl sing, while a really adorable one lip s.ings. China is willing to exploit their own children in order to make them look good to the world.. and i find that disgusting. Those poor girls should be stripped of their gold metals. Its not fair fault. They are forced to do it. I no longer support China until they stop cheating and pretending to be something they clearly are not. Right now.. China is losing their reputation in order to obtain gold medals. but in the end.. those medals mean nothing when the whole world believes you don't deserve them. Exporting children is the lowest of the low.. and they are doing just that at these 2008 Olympic games Edit: References http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/sports/olympics/27gymnasts.html?_r=2&ref=sports&pagewanted=all&oref=slogin&oref=slogin http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/13/sports/olympics/13beijing.html?scp=3&sq=&st=nyt

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20th,

at 01:38pm

So far

( story!!! )

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5th, at 04:41pm
My test results.

mood: amused

"The sensitive doer is a gentle, modest and reserved person. He copes well with everyday life and likes his privacy. With his quiet, optimistic nature, he is also a good, sought-after listener and other people feel well in his company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and his regard for others distinguish his personality. He is very caring, generous and always willing to help. He is open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to him. However, if his inner value system or his sense of justice is hurt, the sensitive doer can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive. The sensitive doer enjoys the comforts life offers to the full. He is very happy in everyday life. This type is often a gifted artist or a very good craftsman. Creativity, imagination and an especially keen perception are just a few of his strong points. The sensitive doer is very presence-oriented; long-term planning and preparations do not appeal to him. He takes life as it comes and reacts flexibly to daily demands. He does not like too much routine and predictability. His talents come more to the fore when work processes are variable and there are not so many rules. The sensitive doer likes to work alone; if he is part of a team, he does not get involved in competitive or power games and prefers living and working together harmoniously and openly. The sensitive doer is completely satisfied with a small, close circle of friends as his need for social contacts is not very marked. Here, too, he avoids conflicts - quarrels and disputes put considerable strain on him. The sensitive doer is often very fond of animals and is very good with small children. As partner, this type is loyal and reliable and is willing to invest a lot in a relationship. Mutual respect and tolerance are very important to him. His love of pleasure makes him a pleasant companion with whom one can experience intensive moments. He likes to look after his partner with attentiveness and small gifts and is very sensitive to the partner’s needs - often more than to his own. However, should he meet the wrong person, he runs the risk of being taken advantage of. He is then deeply disappointed." Oh look.. bandwagon time. hehe I think its kinda funny that its also the first two letters of my name. My real name.. not pen. Stephanie Dobos. Ann is my middle name.. cause i loath my last name. Fun, and a new post since i dont post much anymore. replace all the he's with she... thanks!

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24th,

at 07:15pm

The right time... and the wrong time..

I know that i don't really post much on here anymore, and when i do its usually about something negative. I'm very strong with my feelings and sometimes when something upsets me i feel the need to respond. I do it here. I will hide it because it may be upsetting to some people..

( Heath Ledger and the reaction from the Baptist Church )

My heart goes out to all of Heaths family, friends, and loved ones. As well as to his fans who loved and respected him. He was a great person who i was told was very loving and nice, and an all around lovely person to have and this world is going to be a lil darker without him.

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31st, at 06:44am
Taken from Mellie K. a Meme thing..

mood: blah

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Honestly? i guess got drunk. Im usually always the sober one. Personal reasons as to why i don't like drinking. 2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I dont think i made one. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Marc had a lil girl.. was that this year? i think it was. 4. Did anyone close to you die? Yeah. My grandfather. 5. What countries did you visit? None.. 6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A better idea of what i want 7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? i honestly don't know.. i would love to just forget this year all together.. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Nothing. Other then finding out the truth about people. 9. What was your biggest failure? Trusting in someone. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was sick back in like oct or november.. no injury though 11. What was the best thing you bought? Oh man.. hmm... A new tablet. 12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Joe's crazyness. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? That boy 14. Where did most of your money go? Food.. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? When i got feelings for someone 16. What song will always remind you of 2007? 'Rooftops' 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Same thinner or fatter? same richer or poorer? poorer 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? exercise 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Trusting 20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it at my grandmothers house.. then my cousins new house. 21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? Joe's party at his house 22. Did you fall in love in 2007? Yes.. and i hope to fall out of it soon. 23. How many one-night stands? None 24. What was your favorite TV program? Oh man.. i like to many.. to hard to say 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Not hate, but i don't love someone the same way i did a year ago.. 26. What was the best book you read? umm.. i know i read some.. but i forget 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Strings. Mostly cello. Thanks to Kina! 28. What did you want and get? Better friendships. 29. What did you want and not get? The boy. 30. What was your favourite film of this year? Hmm... I liked Pirates. I didn't see many films this year. Jackass Number two was funny. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I think i sat at home. i had a shitty birthday because all my plans fell through. i was 26 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Money.. and for things to go right, that didn't. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Better. I like colors. Candy girls! yaaaaaay! 34. What kept you sane? My friends. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Bam Margera 36. What political issue stirred you the most? Um.. other then that kid being wrongly convicted of murder in some country, Eric Volz. then nothing. 37. Who did you miss? My poppop.. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Mary Ellen! 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Becareful who you trust. Even if they have been in your life for years... 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "Lift your head up high and blow your brains out" - Blood Hound Gang.

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10th, at 09:55pm
Fun times in New York City!!!

mood: jubilant

I dont care how many times one visits New York, or if you even live there, there is just to much to do. I always go home feeling like I still never saw the city. My friends who live in Brooklyn had a Christmas Party. What sucks is that i always forget to take pictures. But i will post what ones i did take! Hidden of course so as to not spam everyones friend page. ( NYC baby!!! )

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6th,

at 11:36pm

Kina wanted me to!!

Cause Kina does this all the time and i find it sooooo much fun! I did one myself. To bad im not as good as she is. I eat pre packaged food...

( Keep the cookin going! )

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26th, at 05:01pm
When Im sad....

mood: amused music: Flight of the Conchords

I watch this.. and crack up every time!

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26th, at 10:52pm
Kayiko Story

mood: lazy

The just of Kayiko and her story. Filled with family info, and friends.. as well as bad guys. Im not completely done with her story.. clearly.. since its less the fullfilling.. but whee.. if anyone cares to read it... go ahead. ( Click me for Story )

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13th,

at 11:01pm

arrggss

Your LiveJournal Pirate Crew
LiveJournal Username
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!
Cutlass or pistol?
What is the name of your pirate ship?
Where is your secret pirate base?
What kind of loot do you prefer?
What do you and your crew prefer to be called?
Parrot or monkey?
Argh!

Your capable first mate	fetalstar
Your bumbling cabin boy with a heart of gold	yumegirl
The aloof, yet honorable, pirate with a mysterious past	celesse
Is always the first one into the fray	exformalia
Is the naval officer who ruthlessly pursues your ship	starinthegutter
Is the comical pirate who is always drunk on grog	klars
Is currently in Davy Jones's locker	kelly_o7
The amount of money you make as a pirate	$878,392


This Fun Quiz created by Lynn at BlogQuiz.Net

Gemini Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

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7th, at 05:11pm
Bahahaha!!!

mood: mischievous

Kayiko Ni: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lenEFlU9qU4 WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK Kayiko Ni: ::Does a LINA at the end of that:: Rudiichu: ... Rudiichu: whoa what Rudiichu: I just threw up a little Kayiko Ni: Amelia face XD Kayiko Ni: PS. Zel would NEVER do that!!!!!!!! Rudiichu: THAT IS THE SLUTTIEST OUTFIT TO EVER SLUT

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6th, at 07:40pm
Video

mood: artistic

Wheee i made a video!! but after 6 hours of hard work.. i found out that with photobucket, the video can lag or freeze up, but the music will still play.. Which causes the video to not match the music like i made it do. That really made me maaaaaad! Anywho.. These are mostly pictures taken from the Shofuso House in Philadelphia PA, USA. Its a real Japanese house from Japan, brought over around some or such a time.. Its a beautiful house. and i had a beautiful time there! Seeing as how I had the camera the most.. my friend Nick is in most of the pictures, more then me.... and then i ran out of stuff around the end.. so i just used random shit XD like Henry.. He matched the music.. so it works. hehehe

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5th, at 02:33am
Cleaning out..

mood: disappointed

I wasn't sure if I should make this entry or not.. but whatever. I'm cleaning out my friends list.. Thats pretty much it. Sorry to the people i will to taking off.. but hey.. i don't comment much anyway.. So its really no big deal right? I just.. i think im done with so much bullcrap that i see.. and i just don't feel like reading it anymore. It hurts to watch people change. Sorry guys.

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23rd,

at 07:07pm

For those who wondered..

Yes, i am alive
No, i am not posting in my live journal anymore
Yes, i check my friends page every day or every other day to read everyone elses stuff
Yes, i will be taking some people off my list cause some journals i don't care to read anymore
Yes, i will comment
Maybe, i will start posting again. Right now, its no
Yes, i do all my expressing on DA now. Nothing personal however

Thats just for anyone who noticed i have completely stopped posting here, And were wondering what was going on with that.

Thats all. Thanks.

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20th,

at 09:32am

You're used to people telling you that you're cute because you simply are! Your love for beauty and all things social makes you a positive force amongst any group of people. Although you may seem delicate and fanciful on the outside, you're a lot stronger than people think you are. Purity, inner strength, and a sense of aesthetics is what makes you Xianghua.

Which Soul Calibur character are you?

this quiz was made by david park

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3rd, at 02:53am
Wow thats saaaad!

mood: amused

Ah hahahahahahahha HA HA HA HA! Its so pathetic what somewhat famous or well known people will do, and what their fans will allow them to get away with without questioning their actions. I wish people weren't so dumb and actually have thoughts. If someones actions look extremely fishy, stand up to them and question it. Don't look the other way just because they are well known or famous. You are just allowing someone to get away with something they shouldn't. This goes for hollywood and also here on the internet. ( My rant to explain what i just said ) SO!!!! I have a question for people. I was watching this show on Tornados, and this storm chaser guy is trying to get a shot of the inside of a tornado. Now.. he has these things that he needs to put down in the path of these tornado's, so he is working extremely close to the things. I noticed that before the twister comes.. He is standing right where its going to cross.... then he puts his shit down, and drives off about 2 miles or more down the road and waits for the tornado to pass by. Granted.. it was only an F3... but.. WHY do soooooo many people die in these things when clearly its easy to get out of the path of them! If you don't have a car, or if the storm is right ontop of you, and you have no time at all to get away.. then i understand.... but this guy was honestly just yards from the thing, and remained perfectly safe. I mean this twister went by and ripped an entire house appart.. and you watched it! And only moments before.. The guy was standing RIGHT next to the house! If he could get away, why can't other people? If you have time to jump in your car and drive out of the path of the thing, why don't people do it? Why do they hide in their houses? I always wondered that for a while, but when i saw this guy actually show how easy it is to get out of the way, and be alive, it really made me question why people don't try and get away more? If a tornado was coming right twords me... You bet your ever lovin ass im collecting all my cats, shoving them in my car, and getting the hell out of there. You don't have to have a place to go.. Just get out of the path of the thing, and stay in your car and wait for the storm to pass over. Thats that i would do anyway. Now i know it also depends on what size the tornado is. I mean.. an F5.. is a HUGE FUCKING twister.. I don't know if you can get away from a storm that big.. It is also hard to predict what path they are going into... but i've seen the damage from an F5.. They are about a mile wide... It is not hard to get away from them, unless it is right ontop of you. You can get out of the path of these things and live! Why don't more people do that? Why do they stay in their homes and end up badly hurt or dead? That mentality of "oh it wont hit me.. im safe" is not something you should be thinking when it comes to those storms. Every second counts.. and if you have a channce to get out of the way, do it man. I know i would. I have seen people trying to get out. Bumper to bumper traffic. It depends on the size of the storm. If its not that big.. you probably don't have to go that far. Hell.. even just a couple miles down a road will keep you alive. This storm watcher guy was sooooooo close.. the winds from the tornado were honestly shoving his car off the road.. He was CLOSE! and yet he lived. Just yards away from an F3 tornado.. and lived. It just goes to show you what a little action can do to save your life man. You wont catch ME sitting in my house if i heard a tornado was on its way. Id be in my car and out of there . You can usually out run those things if you have a clearish road and time. and if its not a bad storm. HOWEVER!!!!! A car IS one of the last places you should ever be in, if a tornado is about to cross your path. So you have to be able to judge yourself, judge the time, and roads.. because the last place you need to be is in a car. They throw those things around like dead leaves fallin from trees. It just amazes me that these storm chasers are but yards to miles away from these storms and are completely fine. It just goes to show you how much better off you can be, by just getting yards or even a tiny bit of miles away from it. The bigger the storm... the farther you need to go. I dont know if im right in thinking that though.. but its what i would do. I wouldn't sit at home and hope it doesn't hit my house and throw me around. I would jump in my car and get the hell out of there. If these things can take the house right next to yours, but leave yours standing, that shows you that distance can do a lot. Hell.. RIGHT next to the damn thing and it didn't even touch or really damage the house. Nuts. PS.. incase anyone wanted to know.... im scared to death of these things.. If i ever saw one or knew one was going to hit my house... i was probably have a huge pannic attack and die of a heart attack before making it to my car. That and earth quakes scare the shit out of meeeeeeee! GWAH! Other then that.. im safe, and its funny.... hurricanes don't bother me, because i've been through them before. As well as blizzards.. but iv'e heard people in Cali go "ooooh earth quakes are noooot a big deal" yet to me they are!.. and im sure people who never had to deal with hurricanes are scared of them.. more so after last year. But i was never really scared of them. i live on a coastal state on the east side.. so we get them pretty good over here. Thankfully nothing direct in Jersey.. but im sure we will get it soon. Coffee is the YUM!!

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28th, at 10:11pm
Brokeback What?

mood: calm

So i finally saw the famously BIG movie Brokeback Mountian.. Gotta love having HBO!!!!! heehehe.. For those who haven't seen this movie yet.. Im going to cut so i don't spoil it for anyone else.... ( Brokeback Fun ) Annnnnd thats enough of that.. heheehe I know a lot of my friends who like yaoi looooooooved the movie, but im sorry to say guys.. ;-; it could of been sooooo much better then it was. In other news, had an ok Thanksgiving. It was kinda boring cause it was grownups, and then me.. Then my cousin came with her baby. Its weird.. we are old enough to be parents, but when i hangout with her, it still feels like we are kids, and we still laugh at NOTHING all the time. I don't feel like i grew up when im around her. Its a nice feeling. Got to hangout with my friends on Saturday. That was nice. Alex cleaned my ring and now its aaaaaalllll sparkley and the diamonds glitter! So pretty! Oh! its my great grandmothers ring. I found it when i was digging through my moms room looking for lord knows what. Art wise, i suck. I have a bad art block right now, and im honestly forcing myself through it. I've sketched out a lot of my commissions, but i honestly do not like half of the sketches. So i don't want to show them because im pretty much going to change them. Im trying not to and telling myself it looks ok... but then i look at it later and instently hate it and want to start all over. Its kinda frustrating. I wish i was good at it and can sketch and have the sketch look perfect every time, like Celesse can. Im lucky if i can get two eyes to look right. I just feel guilty for giving people work i hate and am not happy with. I think they should get more then that. Its hot in my roooooooooom! hehehe but it feels so good. Good for napping. Ok.. im done my rants. Back to work. ^-^!!

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20th,

at 02:50pm

Piss off Wanker

There was a part of my life back in like 2002 where i was jobless for a good long while, and i never remember it being this... hard. I actually cried today because we are out of food. And when i mean out.. i mean out. No bread, no milk, no ramen... Nothing. Nothing except old pancake mix. Which i tried to use twice and it was a mess. I got upset and cried because the only thing in the house to eat, and i couldn't cook it. For some reason the middle of my pancakes do not cook. They stay mushy and wet. I had it on the stove, cooking, on Med heat, for over a half hour... and the middle of it STILL wasn't cooked. I don't understand WHY i can't cook a simple pancake. I know how! I used to do it -all- the time when i was like 16, and i made awesome pancakes. Now.. they all suck... I can't even eat them.. its like licking the batter out the bowl.. Might as well just do that.. It must be the stove, or something.. I need a fucking like.. waffle iron or that perfect pancake thing. i dunno.. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, starving, and going downstairs and getting something dumb to eat... but now.. its like.. my backup food is out. I hope mom will at least grab some bread and butter on her way home. Its not healthy to eat just toast.. but its cheap, and im not sick of it yet... So it will have to do for now. My mom will surprise me and bring me home a salad from WaWa (store like 7 11 only BETTER!) and i'll scarf that down in like seconds. Oh.. we do have Peanut butter cookie mix.. but the date said Aug 2006.... soooo.. i dont think its good anymore. Damn it all.

So yeah.. i've been misserable. Eventhough this month flew by and all, it still sucked. I've been more picky about my art now, more then ever. I'll try and sketch out commissions, and hate every sketch, and end up tossing it.. To the point where i don't even want to try again for a while. I did manage to get an ok sketch out for one.. Here's hoping i can get it finished. I dont really know whats wrong with me.. If its winter depression, or what, but i have no drive to do anything. I sleep.. and then i get up and sit online.. then go back to sleep. I've been toying with the idea of getting back into school and get a degree to be a vet tech.. The idea is good.... Making myself DO it... now thats another story. With my less then there energy level.. Im lucky i can walk downstairs.

I've been ignoring the fact that i think Rudi is getting a promotion to a full time shift, and that means i'll never ever see her anymore now. Which depresses me to no end.. because the only time i ever got to see her, is when she comes home from work, and Lu goes to work, and that way isn't there to distract her or anything. It really fucking sucks, and i hate it... but she needs the good money. She has a life and a house and bills to pay for, and that stuff is very important.. so i know that shit happens.. and i'll just have to do deal with it. I don't like to think about it because i start crying, but its not up to me to deside. I kinda feel so powerless. but i know there is a bigger picture, and i know that wins over everything else.. So i just have to submit and deal with it. Jamie did the same thing.... and we are pretty much strangers by now. We never talk anymore. I mean ever. a good two months will go by where i wont hear from her or of her.

I kinda wish i knew what direction my life is supposed to be going. The only thing i can think of is that i always wanted to work with big cats. Cheetahs. But the school work is expensive... and the job openings are few and far between in that feild. I just over all feel like crap. Inside and out. The world is moving on without me.. Im stuck in some hole of lazyness,numbness, and.. ickyness i guess. Its sad to say this but.. i think sleep is the only thing i ever have to look forward to. I don't feel how hungry i am when i sleep.. and my brain is turned off.. So stupid shit isn't going through my head all the time. I have my up and downs days.. I think this one is just one of my downs.... Mostly because i can't make a pancake to save my ass.... and now i really really want one! ;-;!!!

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16th,

at 06:19pm

Im just as bad as them..

So.. Not to long ago.. Klar made a DA entry about church people and religion and stuff, and im usually very unhappy with it, but i was watching that show on Mtv, True Life, and this one girl just up and desided that she wanted to go from a party girl, to being a nun, and i noticed that the moment she said that, I lost respect for her. It actually surprised me how quick i was to look down at her choice of life, and that makes me very close minded. Which is something i really hate, and is one of the biggest reasons why i hate people who are very religious... They can be some of the most close minded people. Not all of them, but some. So i gave myself a good yelling at for judging her to quickly, but then she started talking about how now she prays for her friends to convert, and she nags at them for the things they do... and just stuff like that. Now, there are people out there who take their religion, and use it for good. There are nuns out there who help the needy, who do a lot of awesome things, and i totally respect that, however this girl.. wanted nothing to do with that.. infact she said "I don't want to help people. I just want to pray and be close to God" and um, i think rule number one about becoming a nun is that you can't be selfish. Thats all this girl is being.. Selfish. She put down her friends, and said that they just aren't important anymore. Well ,she went to talk to her priest, or 'father' about some things..and said how breaking up with her boyfriend was hard, because she loves him so much, and he said to her "sometimes you have to give up someone great, to be with someone greater"... and i just about wanted to scream. He was talking about God. I have never ever known a more hypocritical religion in my life. Isn't vanity one of the 7 deadly sins? Um.. isn't it extremely vain of God to expect people to drop important people in their lives, just so they can devote their own life to him? THATS selfish to me.. and its also bullshit in my mind. It upsets me that people think they have to throw away friendships and relationships with people who love them, so they can go throw their life away to some 'thing' that probably isn't even real. I mean... God gave you life, what better way to spit on that gift by doing nothing but kissing his ass? I don't think thats WHY he put people on this earth.. The more and more i hear about God and things, the more i hate the whole religion. I mean.. he is an asshole if he put us all on this earth so that we can sin and all go to hell.. and the only way we wont.. is to fucking worshup him?! Thats grade A bologna!

I do not believe in God. I do not think the Bible is something that should be taken word for word. Its nothing more then a book of life lessions. Do i dislike all people who live their lives that way? No. One branch of my family is extremely relegious. They never ONCE pushed their faith on me ever. They live their lives, and love me for living mine. That i highly respect. Its when people start to grow pity... Start to go "I'll pray for your converson" Don't pray for me ok. I don't want it. I live my life in sin, and God gave me free will, so i can pick to live my life however i want... and honestly.. EVERYONE sins. I try and do my best and mind my own buisness, as long as i don't see someone trying to impose their religion on others. Its only when people start to do that, i get mad and upset.. and the only people i've ever seen do that are Catholics and some Christians. I've never heard of Buddha and hell.. even the Jews don't force shit. But im not touchin the Jews. I don't know enough about them except catholics and christians take -their- book and try and decode it. Um.. that book wasn't written for you, it was written for Jews. Or so i heard.

It just upsets me that people think its ok to hurt others. To throw away others, all for God. I feel bad for people who are thrown away by someone because the someone felt that God was worth more then a living, breating person who freaking loves you. What does God give you to replace that? Nothing. I think its impossable to get into heaven. To many sins. I honestly hate it when i find out someone i know and are friends with, is big into God and that whole thing, because i know in their eyes, im nothing but a lost cause, and a pathedic excuse for a human being because i've sinned my whole life. They will look down on me just because im not like them. I love not devoting my life to some weird, thing. I like that because im feel free, and i feel freedom for others. I feel like God made us all different.. and we need to understand that.

With everything thats going on in the world. With Bush, and the whole gay marrage thing, i've just had it with religion in this country. I mean look at whats going on in the middle east. Fighting mostly because different religions just can't get along. There is to much forcing. To much imposing on others.. To much hardcore issues that keep ending in a violent mannor. Thats not good. I respect monks who follow the Buddha stuff. They believe in peace. They believe in respect for all living things, which means us too. Hell, they wanted Saddam not to be put to death. They respect. They don't push. Which is probably why no one ever gets in war with them.. and vice virsa.. As far as i know anyway.. I guess they aren't to far off though.. The monks divote their lives to their buddha.. the same way our nuns and God. So why is it i respect the monks more then nuns? Though nuns are not at all bad... They do so many selfless acts and are helpful to so many people, but you don't have to give up your life to God in order to do things like that. but, to many people, being a nun makes them happy. Its what they want, and i have no right to look down on them.. Yet.. i did with this girl. I just dont respect that way of life. So many things have happened to make me feel like its ok. Its to twisted. To much hyprocricy in there... To much judgeing. I don't approve of it because they teach you to look down on others who aren't like them. I look down on them. I do it because they have no faith in their own God. They have no respect for the lives he makes.. They have no respect for God giving us free will. He allowed us to choose a life that makes us happy.. and if its not to worshup him... then its a sad and pathedic life? I cry because i hate the way that religion teaches people to hate. It teaches us to judge. To look down on others who aren't like them. Teaches you to give up your life to kiss his ass.

I still believe that i don't think God put us on this earth just to worshup him, and do nothing with our lives. i hate the way it makes me feel to dislike it so much.. because im no better off then they are... God has a huge ego, and demands he be first in our lives. No one else but him, and thats so very wrong. I don't believe in that... Im very tired... and honestly.. i dont think i made a whole lot of sense.. .... I might delete this later and re-write it. I dont know.. I have friends who go to church, and grew up like that, and they are some of the coolest people in the world, and none of them push themselves on me. And that i highly respect. I don't care what religion anyone wants to be, but thats what you want to be... That may not be what the best friend standing next to you wants to be.... and you have to deside to either love them for who they are, or find them a lost cause and throw them away like trash. Im to busy loving my family, my friends, the important people in my life. They come first. Not God. God will never be first or even last in my life. I dont' like him. i don't like his ego, and he is no better then Hitler, of people conintue to act the way they do and represent him. SOME people, Not all!! I looooved Pope John Paul because he had a BIG heart! and respect the other religions in this world. See.. thats how people should live. do what makes you happy... . i dunno.. im going to nap.

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